Both were loved, cherished, and held dear to our hearts. We lay to rest, Scottie Terrey and his husband; Fraser Terrey. Gone but not forgotten.
Makenzie’s Point of View
Every tear shed, every painful feeling that coursed its way through my body- Could never cover up the intense inflictions that strike me every second. Not only losing one great man, but two. My dad died from regret, going to sleep one night, to never again wake up.
Placing flowers at their graves, Kim sighed “You will never know how much we will all miss you.”
The more I let the reality of it sink in, the more I cried. If it wasn’t for my husband, I think I would have lost it ages ago. Not only did I lose my fathers, but I had to get the news of the second one passing while in recovery at the hospital. My poor baby- No, my poor babies. That very night I was rushed to the ER to have an emergency C-section performed. It was only luck linguring near my side, that my children made it through alive. That I made it through… alive.
Grasping me, he whispered, “It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.”
Yeah, like that is even close to the truth. How is everything ‘okay’? My parents are dead, and my twins nearly died themselves… Nothing is okay.
What makes things seem even worse, is that I didn’t even get to attend the actual viewing and funeral. No, this is just an attempt of my family trying to recreate the event. I was bed ridden in the hospital when the funeral happened. Why couldn’t my sisters wait? Why did they have to do it without me? It just made the death of my parents hurt even more. The pain is like tiny daggers piercing through my heart. I wish the pain would stop… why won’t it stop??
“Aunt Kimmy? What does it mean to die?”
She exhaled, gently resting her hand on his shoulder, “Noah, I don’t think you’re ready for-“
“No. Tell him.” I choked out “He deserves to know. He’s old enough.”
“Mommy?” then looking up at Kim, he asked “Kimmy?”
“Noah, you remember when you found that baby bird? And you were sad because it wouldn’t move, or chirp anymore? That’s what someone dying is like. They can no longer move or understand things.”
Looking over my shoulder, I could see the horror in Noah’s eyes. I felt like a selfish jerk for making him endure that. He needed to know the truth though. People die, because life is a jerk.
Noah moved his feet quickly, darting towards his father. He swung his arms around him, and held on tightly. Fear was embedded onto his face, and small tears inched down his cheeks. I don’t feel like a jerk anymore, I am one…
“P-please don’t ever die daddy.” he whimpered, clenching tighter.
Jed glanced up at me, remorse in his eyes. He blamed me of course, but heck, it was my fault.
Jed unlatched Noah from his side, and picked him up into his arms. I just stood by and watched as he tried to calm down our 7 year old. That should be me holding him, and telling him the world revolves around happiness. I can’t lie though. Not to him.
“Noah, daddy is not going anywhere. No one is going to leave you, okay?”
Noah shook his little head up and down, then nestled his head on Jed’s shoulder.
“Come on, let’s take you home. Let mommy and Kim have some time alone.”
I watched as he carried Noah all the way to the car. Then I watched as the car drove down the road, until it was no longer in my view. Kim crept up behind me, just staining the side of my head with her glares.
“Why did you make me do that? You put me on the spot. I know you’re hurting, but that was cruel Makenzie.”
I winched in pain, by the sharp points of her words. She was right, it was cruel.
I can’t even believe I would go to such lengths to hurt my son. Just because I am feeling a heavy guilt, and disbelief… and he isn’t. I broke down in Kim’s arms, I just couldn’t hold in the pain any longer. It was ripping me apart.
“I’m SORRY!!” My cries heard aloud “I’m just- It’s so painful! I miss them so much…”
She patted my back reassuringly, sighing as I sobbed onto her dress.
“Oh, Makenzie… it’s okay. Just let it all out.”
Jed’s Point of View
What a night. Spending hours trying to calm down my wife, only for her to cause Noah to be scared out of his mind! I know she’s in a lot of pain, but, she needs to realize anger isn’t going to bring them back. Neither is causing her son to go through an emotional trauma.
Walking through the door, I nearly wanted to lose my head! The babysitter still had the toddlers out of bed, and I could hear one of the twins screaming! I paid her to watch them, not let them scream and destroy the house! I mean, poor Phea, she gave me this look like ‘SAVE ME!’
I quickly dismissed the sitter, paying her, then wishing her a ‘good night’, through my gritted teeth.
After making sure Luke and Phea were okay, I hurried in to each room to check on the twins. They were so small, and it scared me to even leave them for an hour. Luckily though, Phoenix was only just making noises, and wriggling around. While, Qiana (Key-Anna) just wanted to be held.
Who would have thought that entire time Micki was pregnant, she was actually pregnant with two? Bang goes my plan for only raising three kids. Honestly though, I love Nix and Ana. And I’m just so thankful for them to be alive.
Kim’s Point of View
Months passed all of us by in this upsetting battle. Everyone just couldn’t seem to move on with their lives, knowing Makenzie was so heart broken. I’ve seen her down on her luck plenty of times as kids, but I never seen her this bad. She can’t even talk to someone without it ending with tears streaming down her cheeks.
Try as I may, she just never wanted to listen to reason. It’s like she wanted to hurt, and feel pain. She never let any of us help her either. She wanted to fight this alone. She always wanted to be alone!
“Hey, Mick. I know you don’t want to hear this, but, if you keep torturing yourself like this you’re never going to get any better. Please, can’t you just let Jed and I help you through this? For your children’s sake at least??”
She scowled, “How many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone? I don’t want anyone’s help.”
“Please Micki?” I begged “We can talk you through this. It’s not good to keep your anger and frustration bottled up. It’s hurting you, and the people around you! We love you Micki, please, just listen to reason.”
“I don’t want to hear it!” she stood up abruptly “I’m taking shadow out…”
That’s all she did anymore was take shadow out. It was either that, or she locked herself in her room until the crack of dawn. Even then, she’d still stay in there. She was always ignoring her kids, and even her husband! No one could break down that cement wall she built up. No one…
I chased after her, grabbing her by the arm. “What good is it to ignore your own family?! To stay in that room night and day, forgetting about the people who love you!!”
“Don’t touch me.” she hissed “I said, I’m going out…”
“Your parents would be so unhappy with you Makenzie…”
I hit a nerve when I came off saying that. I knew it was a bit much, but she needed to hear it. If Fraser and Scott were still alive, they would not be happy with Micki acting this way. She’s turned so bitter…
“Don’t you freaking talk about my parents!! You little mooch, just get out of my house!!”
I’ll admit, that really hurt. I didn’t think to retaliate though. She was clearly upset, so I just let her go. What more could I do?
Jed’s Point of View
Though Kim and I tried, Micki built up her wall again. When she did, there was no telling when we would be able to get through it. When she was in this state of mind, it didn’t matter to her what she said or who she hurt. She just couldn’t stand the fact that everyone was trying to move on, and she was still hurting so much.
It didn’t help anyone’s moods either. Ophelia and Luke were constantly getting into things, the twins were always screaming, and Noah was in a funk. He was just as sour as his mother. I couldn’t make that kid crack a smile for nothing. He would just come home from school, literally throw his book bag across the room and take off to his room- which he hated sharing with Luke and Nix.
So I got it in my head, that TODAY was the final straw. I was going to make this household happy again, even if it killed me. I started with Noah, because I knew a kid would be easier to crack. All I had to do was make one small stop at the pet store, and my troubles with Noah would be over.
At least, I’d like to think so.
I didn’t have that kitten in the house 5 seconds and Phea already was trying to grab him. That poor kitten was squirming and struggling to be free of her clutches. I wanted to help, but I was afraid if I grabbed the cat one of them would get hurt!
Eventually the kitten freed himself, and took off across the living room. I can see this is going to be a problem already…
Being the smart dad that I am, I took and hid the Kitten away in my room until Noah came home from school. If Phea got a hold of him once, she could do it again. Also, who says Luke won’t grab at him either?! I hope Noah can protect his poor kitten, because I sure can’t.
The moment Noah came home from school, I told him to wait in the dining room until I brought out his present. Of course being a kid, his ears perked up and he waited eagerly for me to bring it out. Once he saw the tiny creature in my hand, he exploded with joy and snatched the kitten from my hands!! Well… guess that means he likes his gift.
“Oh, Daddy!! He’s perfect!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!”
I just left him to it. Walking past him with a grin on my face, and smugness about myself- I felt good. I brought someone happiness, and I liked it.
“Oh, I’m gonna call you Snoopy!! You like that name? Huh, Snoopy?”
Snoopy? Well, it’s his cat… Besides, this self-satisfaction gave me that kick I needed to head to my next target.
“Hey, Snoopy? Can you keep a secret?”
I headed towards my bedroom, and just like everyday, Micki was curled up on top of the bed crying. She would constantly torture herself with pictures of her parents, and past memories of them together. Not good ones either, she’d only bring up the bad. She blamed herself for them both dying. Though everyone knows, no one could have prevented their deaths. Deep down, I know she knows that… but she just doesn’t know how to accept it.
Nothing but silence. Yet another ‘non’ surprise. She always ignores me.
Sighing, I tried again, “Makenzie, I know you can hear me. Don’t ignore me.”
She groaned, then propped herself up. She didn’t even look at me, she just kept her focus on shadow running around the yard. Why did she have to treat everyone with such hate? We did nothing but love her. I’m sorry, I can’t take this anymore. If she doesn’t talk to me, I’m going to MAKE her talk.
“What do you want?”
What do I want? What kind of greeting is that?!
“Oh, I don’t know… a new car, a Starbucks coffee… Oh, and maybe my WIFE BACK?!”
She scoffed, her focus still out the window, “I never left, smart-alec.”
OKAY! That’s IT!
“Alright, that’s it… you’re coming with me! We’re going for a drive!”
She looked up at me, and before she knew it I picked her up from the bed and placed her on top of my shoulder. I was through playing games, I’m going to take her somewhere and wait until she talks with me. I can’t deal with this anymore!
“JEDIDIAH!!! YOU JERK! Put me down right now! I swear to god, I’ll scream!!
So what, I hope she does scream. Then people can see how childish she’s acting.
“Go ahead. I’m not putting you down.”
It took me about an hour of driving around, but she finally cooled down. She even accepted to what ever I wanted to do. Anything, she said, for me to stop bothering her. So, I took her to the one spot I knew we cherished the most- Our proposal spot.
We sat in the grass, just staring up into the sky. For the longest time, neither of us muttered a word. I was waiting for her to say something, and she… she just didn’t want to talk to me at all.
I guess it was up to me to break the silence.
“Beautiful night, eh?”
I seriously couldn’t think of anything else…
She turned to face me, a smile beginning to form, she said “You’re so stupid sometimes. You did all of that to bring me here, and now you can’t even think of anything to tell me.”
I didn’t even care what she called me, I was just so mesmerized by her smile. I hadn’t seen that smile in what felt like an eternity.
I smiled back. “I missed that.”
She threw herself back, “It’s not easy to smile when your heart aches.”
Okay that’s enough to depress a clown… She really needs to stop beating herself up like this!
“Micki…” I sighed “You loved your parents so much, and you know they loved you. So why do you torture yourself? Blaming yourself for their deaths? Do you think they would like that their baby is hurting?”
Her eyes threatened tears, “No… but… I j-just can’t help it, Jed. I don’t know what else to do to make the guilt I feel go away. I just want to blame someone for them dying. I don’t want to accept that they just got old. It’s not fair! They’re my parents! They were suppose to live forever!”
I wiped away her stray tear, “But that’s life, Mick. People die everyday. You can’t blame yourself for that. You learn to adapt to it, and just remember the good times you shared together. Those memories are what help people who lost those close to them to press on.”
“Do you think my parents are mad at me? For the way I’ve been treating everyone?”
I smiled at her, then pointed up towards the sky, “Look up there. You see those two twinkling stars?”
“That’s your parents letting you know how much they love and miss you. They could never be anything but proud of you, Makenzie.”
A smile grew across her face, “You really think that’s them?”
I nodded. “I know that’s them.”
After another moment she stood up.
“Jed, I know they’re looking down on me… but I wish they were next to me. How am I ever going to make it without them?”
I pulled her close, “Makenzie, they might be gone physically but you’ll always hold them close to you. Plus, you will always have me. I’m here for the long run, baby.”
She laughed at me, then sighed, “Let’s go home. I think I’m ready now.”
“If you believe you are…” I smiled, leading my arm out “Then right this way, miss.”
We arrived home 20 minutes later. Both of us were elated, and we even planned on having a little ‘alone’ time. It wasn’t until we pulled up in the front of house, and we saw Kim outside looking frantic, that our moods went south.
I climbed out of the driver seat, and shouted “What’s wrong?” from across the way.
“Okay, don’t panic! But Noah’s gone! I think he might have slipped out of the house when I wasn’t looking! I’m sorry! There is just so many kids!!”
I shot a look over at Makenzie. She was completely emotionless, I had no idea what was going on inside her head. As for me? I felt like I was about to have a nervous break down! My son is missing!!
Here’s Qiana, and yes, her eyes are pink! Her traits are Artistic, and Heavy sleeper.
Here’s Phoenix! His traits are Slob and Athletic.
Thanks for reading! Uh-oh, Noah scurried off when Kim wasn’t looking! Let’s hope he doesn’t get himself into any trouble!! And yay for Jed helping Micki through her losses! She was really turning sour…
Authors note: You know what I realized? I’m taking care of FOUR toddlers! O.o God please help me…