Kara’s Point of View
It was hard to keep my body from falling onto the ground. My knees shook and my head spun as blood poured down my leg. I couldn’t keep my focus clear and the pain was life threatening. I never experienced anything like it in my entire life. Of all the things I’ve been through, I never thought having a baby would frighten me the most.
Before I hit the floor, Ryder rushed over and caught me. He scooped me up into his broad, muscular arms and carried me across the hall.
Drip, drip, drip.
My blood stained the carpet as he slowly inched towards his bedroom door.
“I got you Kara; I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” He whispered so delicately.
There was no time for anything. As soon as Ryder placed me down on his bed, the pain intensified. I could feel my baby pushing – shoving – his way out of my body. This kid was ready to come whether I wanted it to or not!
I screamed, my face burning. Tears jerked out of my eyes and my vision became blurry.
“I don’t want to do this RYDER!!” I shouted louder, “MAKE IT STOP! Oh, for the love of GOD!”
Ryder just stared at me dumbfounded. Oh course he didn’t know how to help me! The only good men can do is just stand there and act stupid!! OH GOD…
“Stop looking at me like that!”
Ryder gulped, “I’m sorry! I don’t know what you expect me to do Kara! You pretty much have to do this on your own.”
The contractions grew closer and closer. The only thing that kept me sane while the pain attacked my body was to think about the little moments I shared with my unborn baby. The moments I had with this child in secret that no one else knew about. I know that James or Robert put this child in me, but I could never do anything to it… but show it how much it meant to me. I never even seen its face but I loved it more than I could even imagine. I wanted this baby to have a life I never knew; to share a bond with a mother and a father… something I never got the chance to experience.
Well, a mother at least…
Only moments later, my child came into this screwed up world. He screamed his little lungs out as Ryder wrapped him up in a receiving blanket.
“Congrats momma, you got yourself a little boy.” Ryder smiled wide.
I could barely move my body. I was still in so much pain internally since the time James and Robert tortured me. Having this baby only caused that pain to become worse.
Even though I was hurting, I still forced my head to turn so I could see what my little guy looked like. He had shimmering brown eyes and hair dark as night. I fell in love with him all over again.
“Patrick.” I choked out.
Ryder looked over at me, “What was that?”
“His name is Patrick, after my d-dad…”
Ryder walked over to me and leaned down, “Shhh… don’t talk anymore Kara. Don’t worry about anything; I’ll take care of little man until you’re all better. You need to just rest up, alright?”
I tried to nod, but instead I just closed my eyes and drifted to sleep. I couldn’t bare to stay awake another minute. As long as I knew my son was okay, then I could sleep peacefully.
I’m not exactly sure how Ryder managed two kids on his own. Since Adam and Eve were together, they’d basically spend all of their time doing just that. I’m not saying that Adam never helped, because he did, but Ryder was stuck with the boy’s majority of the time. It pained me to just watch him struggle so much, but I physically couldn’t do anything… even though I wanted to SO badly.
Tag and Patrick screamed at the top of their lungs. Tag refused to go to bed and Patrick didn’t know what he wanted!
Ryder nearly cried, “Guys please, it’s 4:30 in the morning! I’m about to seriously start crying with you! Come on, just give daddy a break!”
Tag stomped his feet and his face turned beat red. Patrick screamed louder and almost sounded distressed! If I could move, I would have RAN in there.
Even though it got to the point where Ryder seemed helpless, he always managed to get the boys calm again. At first impression, you’d never expect Ryder to be this doting fatherly type person. I guess you just have to get past the a-hole part to really understand who he is. I’m not saying I don’t feel weird around him now, since I found out he has feelings for me… but when I ignore that little tidbit, he really is a genuinely sweet person. I just don’t how to handle any type of… relationship. I get goose bumps just saying it!
Months passed by and my baby boy grew like a weed. Every day his mind expanded and the things he picked up were just unnaturally smart for a seven month old baby. I guess it’s probably the genes he picked up from his… sperm donor. I hate that I can tell which one he belongs to; I hate it with a PASSION. But even a blind person can see who his father is.
But that’s not important right now. What’s important is keeping Patrick safe. But how can I keep him safe, when I’m imprisoned in this place? Everyday I walk out into the yard and just stare out into the city. The gates surrounding our house stand 8 feet tall and lock us in like animals. I know that we are able to roam free at certain times, but what life-style is that? Why is it that I have to be forced to live in such crap? Even before James abducted me, my life was never perfect nor happy. I just don’t understand why fate chose to harm me and to keep me in such a dark, torturous hole.
I kissed the top of Patrick’s head, a tear gently sweeping down my cheek. I promised to never cry over my life, but how can I hold it back anymore? Patrick being in this dark place saddens me more than anything.
“Someday… we’re going to find an escape. Someday, Patrick…”
Even though my body was healing nicely, and I was able to take care of Patrick… Ryder still took on full responsibility for him. Why? Why would he want to take care of a kid that didn’t even belong to him? How could he love him so much that he’d tell me to sleep while he cared from him at the crack of dawn?
I stood in the living room as I watched Ryder read the boys a story. It was growing close to their nap time and Ryder always made it a must to read to them. He said his dad did it for him, so he wanted to do it for his kids.
“I do not like them, Sam I am! I do not like green eggs and ham!” Ryder stated loudly.
I still waited silently for Ryder to finish the book. As I stood there I stared at my son. The more I stared, the more I saw of his father. It hurt me at times that they looked so much alike, but you know something? My son will never be ANYTHING like his father. He’ll grow up knowing how to love and cherish others. He’ll know right from wrong and he’ll know that family comes first. Patrick may look like James on the outside, but he’s NOTHING like him on the inside.
Patrick smacked the book, “BOAT!”
Ryder looked up at me, “Yes, that’s right Patrick. Dang, you’re getting good at this.”
See, what did I tell you? He’s smart, just like that monster. But the laughs gonna be on him, because I’ll make sure Patrick uses those brains for good and not evil.
As Ryder and I were focusing on Patrick and his amazing recognition skills, Tag – now just a little over a year old – snuck away behind the bar! Of course since Tag has been born Ryder baby proofed everything, but still… that little sneak knew it was almost time for his nap.
I pointed, “Uhhhh… I think you might want to get your little run-away.”
Ryder looked over, “What the- BOY, get your butt over here!”
“No da! No da!” Tag screeched.
“Yeah, let me show you ‘No da’!” He growled, chasing after Tag, “Come here!”
I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched Tag waddle across the floor at top speed, while Ryder chased him with Patrick on his hip. It was such a sight to see!
After Ryder wrestled to get the boys down for their nap, he came back downstairs and started to straighten up the living room.
I let out a sigh, “Alright.”
Ryder straightened himself out, “Alright what?” He questioned.
“I’ll tell you where I came from.”
He nearly laughed. I don’t see what’s so freaking funny!
“You’re serious? To be honest I kind of forgot about that. Since, you know, we’ve kind of been awkward around each other for over a year.” he sighed, “Why now? Why all of a sudden do you just want to tell me when before you were just making crap up?”
God, does he really want me to explain?
“Because, I just- I don’t know… I feel like I owe that much to you. You’ve helped me so much with Patrick; it’s the only way I thought of to repay you. You really wanted to know before, so I’ll tell you! You can either take it or leave it.”
He chuckled, “Boy, aren’t you a sweet ray of sunshine?” He stared at me, “But you don’t have to feel like you need to repay me Kara. I did what I did because I wanted to, not because I was looking for something in return. So I seriously don’t want to know if you’re just saying it out of guilt. I only want you to tell me because you want to.”
GOD, where did this Ryder come from!? I don’t know if I should be mad because he’s refusing my offer, or elated because he’s so sweet.
I scoffed and then grabbed his arm… yanking him over to the couch. I shoved him down and then sat down beside him.
“I’m telling you whether you want to hear it or not!”
Ryder laughed, “I never said I didn’t, but alright grumpy pants. I’ll listen.”
I rolled my eyes, “Just don’t interrupt me alright? I’ve never done something like this before and I don’t need your wise cracks in the middle of it!”
“Aw, I can’t heckle? Fine, I’ll be good.” He smirked.
Always has to be an a-hole…
I didn’t really know how to start. I’ve never shared anything personal with anyone in my entire life. I used to share things with my dad, but that was so very long ago. I can barely remember what he looks like it’s been so long. Me trying to use the guilt trip on Ryder was my only way I could bring myself to actually tell him anything. When that failed, I kind of got mad because it wasn’t what I expected to hear. I wanted him to accept it out of guilt because I don’t think I could tell him any other way. I needed to tell myself some excuse but deep down… I just wanted to tell someone what happened to me. I need someone I can trust for once in my life; even if it’s just a little bit at a time. I know, I’m so screwed up… but I can’t help the way that I am.
I guess I’ll just go back to the point where the first day of the rest of my life began. It started out like any other day. My dad went to work and my mother, well, went out and did whatever she did. It wasn’t until I came home from school that things started to go south. My parents started this huge argument that went on for hours and hours. No matter how hard I begged them to stop, they just… wouldn’t. It was like I was nonexistent in their eyes; like a shadow on the wall.
“You lying whore; you cheating LYING WHORE!” I remember my dad screaming, “How could you do this to me!? And then lie all these years! I trusted you; I LOVED you!”
My mother said nothing. She only stood there with a disgusted look plastered across her face.
“Nothing more to say, huh Ashley? You know what? We’re done. I’m so tired of putting up with you over and over again!”
“Oh come on Patrick, it was so many years ago!” She scoffed, “Why can’t you just move on and stop wallowing in your own self-pity?”
“SELF-PITY!? Are you out of your mind!? You used me to cover up your mistakes! You think I can just forgive you for this?! For doing this to me and to Kara? No, NEVER! I can’t take it anymore; I need to get out of here.”
I remember hearing those words my father said and I just cried even harder. My eyes turned red and my cheeks were just pouring tears. I was crying so hard I had a pounding migraine.
“N-no daddy, don’t leave! Please daddy don’t leave!” I screeched, reaching my arms out for him.
My father shoved my mom out of the way and reached his arms around me. I squeezed tightly around his neck and just begged him over and over not to leave me with her. I wanted him to take me and never let me go. He nuzzled his face into my hair and I could hear his soft cries as he kissed me.
“I wish I could baby girl.” he sniffled giving me one last squeeze.
I remember chasing after him after he let go of me. I ran all the way out into the street and stood right in front of his motorcycle. I kept yelling at him and telling him he wasn’t allowed to leave me. He gave me this sorrowful look and told me to go on the porch.
“Please Kara, please let daddy go.”
I shook my head, more tears flowing from my eyes.
“I love you sweetie, I promise I’ll be back for you… someday.” he choked back tears as he said the last word. As a kid I believed him, I believed he’d rescue me one day. So I did as he said.
Even though he promised to come back for me, I still wished that he wouldn’t have gone in the first place. He was the only one who truly loved me and cared for me. My mom never showed me any kind of affection; I was like a useless piece of trash in her eyes.
“Da-daddy, pl-please don’t l-leave me here.” I cried as he rode away on his bike – never to be seen again.
You see as a kid, I never really understood why my parents spilt up in the first place. Sure, I knew my mother was a heartless witch, but I didn’t think that was enough to leave me for. Deep down I knew something was wrong, so I refused to ever be mad at him for leaving. No, I always blamed my mom. I HATED her.
I mean, a week after my father left… I caught her biting face with some random man I never seen before. It’s like she wasn’t even hurt that my father was gone; she just REPLACED him!
Even as I grew older, I never gave up hope that my father would come back for me. I know it was stupid, but living in my situation… I needed some strand of hope to hold onto. You see, after that time I saw my mother with that man – Bernard – the next week after that he moved in with us. My mother said she was ‘hopelessly in love’ and that she would ‘never ever let him go again’. I mean, when I was around 13 I figured out that my mom cheated on my father with this man. So it gave me all the more reason to dislike her.
Other than that, Bernard was an abusive drunk. He’d come home from the bar totally wasted and just cuss me out. Not only that, he’d sexually harass me too. I hated him! I hated him more than my mother! He was evil and would hurt me.
“Aw, what are you going to cry you little pussy?” He laughed, “Grow up!”
I remember one night he got me so freaking mad that I cracked him in the jaw. I didn’t even care! I just balled up my fist, swung and ran. He was so drunk he didn’t even know which way was left. I felt so proud of myself that night; like I took out a monster.
It came back on me though – it always did. When my mother got back from where ever, Bernard snitched on me like some 5-year-old. He went crying to my mother that I punched him. Once my mother got the news, she kicked down the door and drug me out of the bathroom – where I locked myself in.
I remember she kept kicking me and kicking me; yanking on my head and slapping my face. Bernard just stood there and watched as my mother abused me. It wasn’t like it was the first time; she did that crap my entire life.
“Yeah, get her real good Ash. Show that slut who she shouldn’t mess with.”
She laughed and then slapped me, “How does that feel Kara?! How do you like to get hit in the face?!”
I never fed into any of their BS; the more I talked, the more I got hit. So I just let her throw me around a little more before I broke free and ran to my room. I had no lock, so if she came back in there to hurt me some more… then I had to take it. My mother got such a thrill out of abusing me that she went as far as to making sure she had every way to get to me – even bolting my windows closed so I couldn’t escape.
Luckily for me that night, she didn’t bother me anymore. She just went out with some of her slutty friends in some weird guys van. I watched her drive away and I just hoped she’d get date raped and die. Yeah, harsh, but she put me through a load of crap – her and Bernard.
As I stood at my window, anger just filled me up inside. I was always mad at Bernard and at my mother, but for that split second I got mad at someone I never was angry with before; my father. I was SO mad at him for never coming back; for never keeping his promise. He told me he’d come back for me and he never did! I never understood why.
Sometimes I’d lie in bed at night and just picture what it would be like when he came back. How I would wrap my arms around his strong neck and he’d spin me around and kiss me. But as I stood at that window, that dream surely died – I just knew he was never coming back.
As I was about to turn around, Bernard snaked his arms around my body. He held his hand to my chin and just… rubbed it. My whole body was trembling and tense.
“What are you doing?” I gulped.
He rested his head onto mine; tightening his grip around my waist.
“Shhh… don’t speak.” his foul smelling breath reached my nostrils; it was tainted with alcohol. I seriously almost threw up.
“Get off of me!!”
“Now why would I do that? I don’t want to ruin this special moment between father and daughter.”
His words still ring in my head every day. I mean, I heard what he said… but I couldn’t believe it; I refused to believe something so stupid.
“You’re not my father!! You’re drunk and you’re a moron!” I screeched.
He twisted me around and shoved me onto my bed. His groin rubbed against me and I could feel him becoming hard. I was petrified by this man; he was seriously trying to rape me!
“Oh, but it is true Kara! Why do you think your precious wittle daddy decided to go awol? He didn’t want to look at you anymore because you weren’t his! Ain’t that a shame? You sure are a pretty little thing.”
“Shut up!” I screamed, “Get off of me! You’re not my dad!”
“How much you wanna bet Kara?” he laughed rubbing my hair, “I mean, you do know how babies are made right? I eff your mom while your da da is at work and 9 months later you pop out! See, you learn something new every day!”
I couldn’t listen to another word of what he was saying. I didn’t care if it was the truth, Patrick Swerner will ALWAYS be my father. He loved me like no one else ever has. It hurt that he left me, but it made sense as to why he didn’t want to stay anymore. It hurt him to leave me here, but there was nothing he could do. He wasn’t my real father and knowing my mother… she would have just fought for custody of me and my father would have lost – since I don’t technically belong to him. But in my heart, I will always love him.
As I was laying there Bernard inched his lips closer to mine. I was so boiled over with anger that I shoved that drunken idiot off of me and then kicked him in the balls! As if if I care how he felt! He’s hurt me so many freaking times, he deserved some agony.
“I SAID you are NOT my father!”
“YOU SON OF A-“ He screeched but couldn’t finish his sentence. He was in so much pain he dropped to his knees and just cradled his throbbing jewels.
That was my cue to get out of there.
As I ran out of my bedroom door, a flicker of crazy came across my brain. Something told me to grab the cooking oil, pour it all over the door and light it on fire. Yeah, I’m totally not sane and will NEVER tell Patrick this… but what other choice did I have? If Bernard told my mother what happened, she would have killed me – probably literally this time. What the heck would she care if Bernard raped me or not?
I’d like to say I just stopped at the door, but I didn’t. I just went around the entire house spraying the cooking oil and throwing matches. I wanted to make sure he died in that fire.
He did die; he suffered and burned. By the time the fire department got there he was a charred up body. The only reason I knew that was because I read it in the newspaper. The day I lit that house on fire I was on the run. I knew my mother would suspect it was me and tell the police, so I had no choice.
I lived on the streets for years- hopping from shelter to shelter. Until one day this blind man found me; sounds crazy but that guy had killer instincts. He offered me a life of pleasures and joy; how could I refuse? Well, turns out that life was stealing for him. He paid me to do it though; it was how I survived. Plus, I actually started to enjoy it. I stole so much it became a natural impulse for me.
I may have worked for that man for a while, but he wasn’t the only one I stayed with. No, my life was a never-ending cycle. It just kept on going and going. In my life, one year felt like ten. It just drug on as if I was being tortured. A huge part of me deep down hated that life and wished I never had to go into it. But the other part of me put on a front that wasn’t real; a front that scared people and killed others. It was never how I pictured my life to turn out.
No, when I was a little girl… I always had different dreams.
I stopped, “Are you… smiling? I just poured out my heart to you and you’re SMILING?! What’s wrong with you?”
“Nuffin.” he chuckled.
“Well obviously there is or you wouldn’t find pleasure in my hardship; JERK!”
He shook his head, “Kara I’m not smiling because of what you told me. I promise it has nothing to do with that. I was just thinking of something I’m about to do and it… made me feel happy.”
“Oh god, what is it dinner time already? You men and your food.”
He laughed and then leaned in towards me. I was completely puzzled as to what he was about to do until he actually did it! He planted his lips right on top of mine! I completely froze in fear; I didn’t know what to think of that. I mean holy crap! I just told him my tragic story and he thinks it’s okay to just kiss me?! What is wrong with him?!
The kiss only lasted for a spilt second because I wouldn’t let it go on any farther! I shoved him off of me and then jumped over the couch.
We both kind of just stood there and stared at one another. Ryder’s cheeks were burning bright and my stomach was turning in knots.
I glared at him, “Why’d you do that?? I told you I needed someone to talk to and you just kiss me!? For the love of god, where was the happy in that story that seemed like a good moment to do that?!”
“That’s the thing…” he stated, “It just seems like you’re always dwelling on what happened in the past. You never learned to let go over what you did or what your father did to you. I just thought it’d be nice to have a new future to look forward too.” he sighed, “Kara, I’m sick and tired of messing around and being all weird around you. I can’t help that I care for you the way I do. It’s not something I can just switch off; it’s always going to be there. I just needed you to know that. Kara, with you… there is no right moment for that ever. So I just, yah know… improvised.”
“You’re insane, you know that?” I scoffed, “And you look like you got sunburn.”
He chuckled nervously, “You really have nothing to say to that ‘cause you know it’s true. So now you’re just making up lame insults. Nice try Kara, but you know I’m right. I mean, you may hate my guts and find me extremely repulsing… but hey, doesn’t mean I’m going to give up. If I’m anything like my father, then you’re gonna have to try real hard to get rid of me.” He laughed, “Which will be pretty impossible since we live together.”
Dang it, why does he have to do this to me?! Why couldn’t he just listen to what I had to say and then move on!? I don’t know what to do!
Just as the tension grew between me and Ryder, Persephone came in the room with Patrick on her hip.
Ryder gasped, “WHAT THE- Persephone touched a baby?! I think the world is coming to an end. Kara, quick, grab Patrick and cherish your last moments together!”
Persephone glared at him, “Shut the freak up you moron! This kid has been upstairs crying for the last HOUR! I want to sleep and I can’t!” She looked over at me, “So take your fricking kid and make it SHUT UP!”
I sighed and grabbed Patrick out of her arms. I bounced him slightly on my hip and he quieted right down. See, all he wanted was his mommy.
As I held Patrick in my arms, I looked over at Ryder. He loved my son so much and he really cared for him – just like my father did for me. Even though he never did come back, I’ll always still love him and the time we had together. When I was little, all those years counted to me. If I could relive them over… I’d do it again and again and again. Patrick deserves a father; a genuine father.
And you know something? I deserve some love too.
Thanks for reading guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even though it saddens me to see Kara go through so much. I hope I did okay with Kara’s back-story Rochelle. I tried my best to get it like you wanted it. I’m also so freaking happy to have these two together finally. I seriously had to build it up though because Ryder needed to find his mental stability first -.-‘. Also isn’t Patrick just SO freaking adorable?! I just wanna squish those baby cheeks! I don’t care if his dad is James, he’s just too sweet!