Author’s Note: I finally made it to chapter 10! I’m so proud of myself right now. I’ve been trying to be more dedicated to my blogs with updates on both sides, and I think this past month/month and a half I have been doing more of that. So, it’s really a great mood booster for me!
Anyways, I want to thank you guys for reading my blog for the length of time you have been (Starting today or almost four years ago) it REALLY means a whole lot to me; you have no idea. But yeah, I hope you enjoy the chapter! There will be some big story progression in this one, so hold on C;
Two Months Later
Val’s Point of View
It feels like two months just came and gone within a blink of an eye. Everything in my life around me seemed to slow to a small halt as everyone went about their business. Only I, and the internals of my brain, knew that nothing was really 100% okay. You see, when it comes to my situation, it’s nothing more than a race against time. I’m trying my best to make sure the hospital believes Isa is at a state to be released before she starts to show. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to achieve.
As I stood there lost in my thoughts, I felt a presence come into the kitchen. I turned my head, adjusting it slightly to see who had walked in. Normally, I would know that it would be Logan, but since my parents are still staying with me – until everything with Eevee is sorted out – there is a possibility of someone else now; which is still so weird to think about.
“Hello love.” I smiled, mixing around the contents I had in the pan, “Hungry?”
“Starving!” she exclaimed, waddling over to where I was standing. She kissed the side of my cheek,”You know? I’d love to get inside that head of yours.”
The spoon I was holding was now mixed into a vat of breakfast stew.
“Wh-what?” I nervously choked out, “What do you mean?”
Logan stared at me for a good five seconds, her eyebrows raising; eyes widened in shock.
“Are you alright? I was just joking around.” she shook her head, fishing the utensil out of the pot, “I just meant it seems like you live-“ she tapped my forehead, “-up here, anymore.”
I inwardly sighed a breath of relief. God, I’m so on edge anymore; I can’t seem to get any of my thoughts and actions corrected.
“Oh, sorry.” I sighed, serving Logan some food, “I just feel so spacey anymore. My job is always on my mind; it’s very demanding.”
She shrugged, “Yeah, I know… but sometimes I just wish I could have a normal conversation with you without your job coming into the mix.”
“Well, I’m sorry that you feel that way, but it’s part of who I am. I can’t just stop talking about it because it’s not what you want.” I snapped, my brows intense.
Logan glared at me, her arms loosely crossed against her, “Sorry I even brought it up than; I didn’t mean to ask for such a HUGE favor from you.”
She snatched up the bowl of food I had made and started towards the living room. Crap, what the heck did I just do?! I’m not trying to fight with this woman; I just get so anxious anytime my job is brought up. I feel like she’s going to find out with any mere mention of the topic.
Come on Val, stop it! Since when do you care so much how she feels? It’s never been like this before! Why do I feel like I have absolutely no control anymore?!
She stopped, holding up her hand, “No, Val. I’m going to go eat alone. I’m done with this conversation.”
Dumb; I’m freaking dumb. I can’t continue to live like this anymore! I just want all of it over; I want my life back. I want to live things out that don’t involve all of this chaos and living on the edge of my seat. I can’t take all of this pressure anymore!
That Monday I returned to my office; the place that at this point in time, I wish I could just run away from. It’s like, part of me just wants to give up and have this over with forever, but the other part of me remembers that I’m not a quitter and that I never have been! Plus, I’m going to be a father… to THREE children soon. I can’t just abandon everything I know and give up on them. Honestly, nothing else is giving me as much drive as my family is. I would never do anything to hurt any of them.
Pacing felt like all I did anymore when I came here. My mind was constantly racking thoughts of how to make this all play over well; to make it believable that Isa was well enough to go home. Anyone in their right mind could see that she wasn’t well and that she never would be, but I had to at least try.
“Come on, come on, come on.” I mumbled out, pacing a rather large scoff against the floor of my office. “There has to be something you can say; get your mind straight!”
Honestly, it feels like if anyone deserves to be locked away in this place… it’s me. I think I talk to myself more than anyone here!
I turned to face my desk, slamming against it’s hard, sleek surface. Pain radiated into my wrist’s, sending an intense, fast moving, shock, shooting up my entire arm.
Think, think, think, THINK.
And that’s when the idea hit me; punching me in the gut so hard, I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. All I have to do is make her believable enough. I could try with all of my might to make my words sound good enough, but SHE has to be good enough. It’s not like I need her to be perfect, no, I just need her to prove that she’s okay to leave this hospital. If I just have the voucher of one more doctor, besides myself, I can get her out of here.
And I know just who that doctor will be…
Lunch time rolled around and I found myself outside of the hospital – where all the venders lined up. Nathaniel usually came out here to grab a quick bite to eat, before heading back inside to tend to his patients. He was very dedicated to them and often spent even his own time by their sides.
I approached him, as he stood there waiting for his meal.
I waved slightly, stepping foot in front of him.
“Hey.” I barely uttered.
He looked at me confused, “Uhm, hey, Val.” His eyesight never really met mine; it kind of just drifted off with his words.
“It- I-…” Get it together, you got this. “Nat- I mean, Nathaniel. I, uhm, I really need your help with something. I don’t think I could trust any other doctor besides you to do this for me.”
The vender waved for Nathaniel to come over, but he held up a finger to indicate he would be there in a second.
He stared me up and down, “Why do you want my help?”
I looked down at my feet, shuffling them against the gravel. How do I even begin to explain anything to him? Do I tell him the truth? Do I coat it over? I wasn’t prepared to even get this far.
“I feel as though Isa has been trapped in this hospital her entire life. And, although she’s not completely well, I feel like she’s well enough to leave and be with an aid.” I continued on, “I want to prove to at least one doctor that she’s capable, but, I don’t know who would be able to see it the same way as me… besides, maybe, you.”
“So, uhm, what do you want me to do?” Nathaniel questioned, his voice still; concerned.
“I just want you to be my co-signer; I want you to vouch that Isa is okay enough to leave.” I took a deep breath, rubbing the side of my arm gently, “I just want to see her get out of this place. I care a lot for this patient; I’ve seen her hurting; seen her plea for an escape. I just don’t think someone should be trapped up their entire life because they’re not the same as someone else.”
Even though I wasn’t telling Nathaniel the entire truth, I actually really meant what I was saying to him. I hated seeing Isa locked up in here; it’s like she’s had no chance to live a normal life.
Nathaniel’s face cringed when I mentioned the aspect of being locked up because you were different. It’s like my words hit a spot so hard, he could barely think straight. Huh, and I wasn’t even trying to do that.
“Okay.” he breathed out, “Okay. I’ll sign it.”
My eyes went wide, every fiber of my being wanting to just stand there like that, with my jaw agape.
“You heard me, I’ll do it.” he smiled slightly, placing a hand on my shoulder, “Look, we may have never gotten along, but that doesn’t mean I stayed stuck there. I can see that you’re not the same man I met when you barged into our dorm room, acting like a deranged lunatic.”
“Gee, thanks.” I rolled my eyes.
“My point being,” he stated, “I just… I feel like I should help you; help her. I… have a past with someone in it, like Isa. My, uh, my brother.” he stammered, shaking off the thoughts, “Just, I, uh, I don’t want to see Isa have the same fate.”
“So, you’re actually going to do this without even evaluating her?” I questioned, a question that was burning up inside me since he answered yes.
He shrugged, “I believe you enough. I’ll write out an evaluation, but I don’t need to see her. I know you’re making the right call for her. So, uh, just don’t disappoint me, okay?”
I nodded my head, holding out my hand for him to shake. “No problem, Nat.”
And with that, we parted ways.
“Well, all of the paperwork is finished off Val. Isa is ready to leave with you; I wish you both the best of luck. Honestly, moments like these are the reason I work at this hospital. I love watching a patient leave to start a new way of life. It really brings so much joy to my heart.” she gleamed, handing over the finished paperwork.
I nodded, smiling at her. Although I felt happy in one aspect, another part of me was so nervous I was about to throw up. So yes, I now had Isa… but that meant I had to confront my parents and… Logan. I had to tell her the truth and I knew she was going to be very, very angry.
“Thank you very much for your help, Nurse Joy. I really appreciate it. I also thrive on seeing my patients soar in life; it’s why I do what I do.” I shook her hand, “I’m going to make sure she’s really taken care of.”
She smiled, “I know you will, Dr. Terrey.”
And with that, she walked away to finish her duties. Sighing, I looked over at Isa who was sitting on a chair. Her eyes were wandering around aimlessly; her fingers curled around her new pants.
“Hey there.” I smirked, my heart beginning to swell, “How are you feeling?”
She looked up at me, “Uhm, uhm… I’m kind of scared. I really don’t know what’s going on, Vally.”
I grabbed her arms, tugging her out of her seat. “We’re going home, that’s what’s going on.”
Her eyes went wide, all of her facial features lighting up.
“You’re taking me home?! You’re taking me to my mommy?!” She screeched out, a few people shushing her.
And just like that, my mood deflated. I really wish I could tell her that I was taking her to her mother. But honestly? I had no idea how I would even find her. The most I knew about her mother was that her name was Kelly. Obviously I can not search every Kelly known to mankind until I find the right one.
“Uhm, no… I’m sorry, love. I haven’t been able to find her yet. I just meant that I’m getting you out of here, so that you can live a normal life now. You won’t have to worry about being trapped in this hospital anymore. “ I truthfully told, feeling regret engulf my chest.
Her face fell; her eyes beginning to turn red, “But-“
“Hey, hey!” I stated, “Don’t cry. I promised you I would find your mom, and I’m going to find her. Okay? We just have to take one step at a time.”
Her tears subsided and she nodded her head, “Okay, Vally. I trust you.”
Those words really hit me pretty hard. She trusts me, yet… I haven’t even told her she’s pregnant. But, I have to take it little by little. Right now, I need to focus on telling Logan the truth.
The car drive over to my house was the longest, most torturous drive I have ever taken in my entire life. My stomach was turning so violently I honestly felt the need to pull over and up chuck. It also didn’t help that Isa was beyond scared; panic ensuing her every so often. I was constantly trying to calm her down, but at the same time I felt like I couldn’t even calm myself down.
My grip on the steering wheel felt weaker and weaker as every turn brought us closer to our destination. What was I going to say to her? How was I going to approach this? I just didn’t have a clue how any of this was going to play out. I knew though, with every outcome that came to mind, that it was going to be absolutely terrible. Time and time again I had planned on just telling Logan I didn’t want to be together anymore; each time that it crossed my mind, I felt completely okay with the idea and really didn’t even care. But with this instant? I felt… shame, guilt and remorse. I felt like this was, well, wrong.
I pulled the car up to the house as slowly as I possibly could. Even after the car was parked in front of the house, I felt like I lost all mobility. I didn’t want to get out of the car and face this; I didn’t want to see the look on her face when everything played out. I wanted Logan to live happily, away from me, and for Isa to NOT be pregnant. Why did I have to make so many mistakes? Why did I have to be such an idiot?
Isa poked me, “Vally, are we home now?”
I sighed, nodding my head, “Yes, this is home. But… when we go inside, I need you to be brave, okay? There is going to be a lot of yelling and some scary stuff happening, but just know, the anger is not towards you. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
She looked at me confused but nodded, “Yes, I understand Vally. Something bad is going to happen between you and another person. I know it’s going to be about me, but, I’ll try to be brave.”
She really is so much smarter than people think…
The pathway to my front door seemed to stretch on forever; each step we took was so excruciatingly loud and unpleasant. My heart beat faster and faster against my chest; hitting against my ribcage so vigorously.
Isa paused for a moment, holding out her hand, “It’s going to be okay, Vally. Do you trust me?”
I wanted to cry in that instant. I… I have never felt so moved by a single statement in my entire life. Everyone is always trying to encourage me with things, or talk to me about my life. But if anyone is even remotely close to know the ACTUAL truth, it would be Isa. Her comfort… was the most I could have ever asked for.
I took her hand in mine, “Yes, I trust you.”
I knew Logan would be home at this time of day because she was now off on maternity leave. She was roughly six months pregnant, whereas Isa was almost three. If I would have waited any longer to get her released, Isa would have started showing… and I would have been done.
I closed the front door behind us, causing Logan to become startled. I could tell she was closely in tune with the program she was watching, but when she noticed I was standing there with some strange woman, everything seemed to be tuned out.
“Val?” She questioned, a look of concern spread across her face, “What’s going-“
I cut her off midsentence. I didn’t want to try and sugar coat this; I didn’t want to be here for an hour trying to get everything out. So, I decided to just tell her the absolute truth all at once.
“Logan, this is Isa. I slept with her about three months ago and now she’s pregnant. I’ve been meaning to tell you that I don’t love you and that I we should break up. I kept at it because I’m a heartless a-hole and liked watching you believe that I was in-love with you.” I sputtered out all at once. I glanced at Isa from behind me and I could see she was covering her ears.
Logan nearly chuckled, “What? You’re joking, right? This has to be some kind of joke. You can’t tell me this woman is actually carrying your kid?” I stood there in silence, but nodded. “No. No way. I don’t believe you! I mean, you don’t love me?? You just watched me love you?! This doesn’t even make any sense! I have no idea what to even- I’m so- I can’t!” Her breathing began to become shallow as she lowered herself back down on the couch.
I rushed over to her, sitting myself down next to her.
Logan breathed in and out super fast, her face smothered within her hands. I didn’t know if I should or not, but I placed my hand on her back. I took a quick glance behind me and noticed that Isa had taken off up the steps. Yeah, I would have done the same thing…
“Breathe, Logan; take deep breaths.” I rubbed her back, trying to coax her to take in air normally. The last thing she needed to do was black out while she was pregnant. Oh God, what the freaking heck is wrong with me!? Why did I just sputter it all out? Logan is PREGNANT. If anything happens to this baby… it’ll be all my fault. I was so selfish; I felt so guilty, I just wanted it all out in the open.
“I… I… “ she breathed heavily, “I don’t know what to think right now! I’m so confused!”
“I thought you loved me! You… you always told me you did! I don’t even know what is real and what isn’t right now; my life feels like a freaking LIE!” She glared at me, “YOU had sex with me! You freaking moved in with me; slept next to me every night! You kissed me, held me, watched movies with me! ALL of it was a lie?! Every single moment for the past 9 years… was a LIE?!”
I had nothing to say to it… because it was the truth. I mean, I did enjoy my time with Logan, but… I never felt love towards her.
“I… I just… never loved you like you loved me.” I looked away, “But I kept the charade up because I liked watching how you reacted to everything. I did enjoy those moments with you, but… it wasn’t in the same sense as you enjoyed them with me.”
She brought herself up as quickly as she could, shouting curses at me and trying her hardest to kick me and kick me.
“HOW COULD YOU!?” She screamed, “You stupid, ungrateful, disgusting human being! I HATE YOU!” She started towards the door, but stopping before she got halfway.
“I so wish to GOD right now that I wasn’t pregnant. If it wasn’t for this baby, I would freaking march out of this God forsaken home right NOW!” She screamed, sobbing uncontrollably. “You do all of this to me, and then have the nerve to actually bring her here. I just… I can’t believe you right now.”
“I had to bring her here. Isa is-“
She turned around, “Isa? Wait. Isa as in your… patient?”
I nodded, “Well, she’s not anymore. I… released her with the help of another doctor. She’s pregnant and I couldn’t keep her-“
“OH you frigging IDIOT! You’re so selfish and stupid! Of course you got her out, because YOU didn’t want to get in trouble! All you think about is yourself; no one else matters in this world! I bet you don’t even give a crap about this baby I’m carrying – YOUR baby!”
“Logan, I do care about our baby. I care a lot for that kid. I just-“
Logan walked over to me. She lifted her leg and within that instance, I knew what she was about to aim for. So, with lightning speed, I tried my freaking best to cup myself before she let loose. She still managed to kick me pretty freaking hard! Oh my GOD.
“I don’t want to hear anything else from you! I just want you to get out of this house! I want you out for good!” She shouted, retracting her leg.
“Logan, I would, but I can’t do that. I need to take care of Isa and… Eevee is going to be coming soon.” I groaned, holding myself. My knees buckled, but I didn’t fall. My stomach also felt as if I was about to lose my lunch. Oh God, it hurt so bad. “I just… I can’t. I need to be here for them and the babies.” I tried to reach out for her, but she backed away, “I’m so sorry.”
Tears streamed down her face, “Fine, FINE then. But don’t you DARE come near me!”
And with that, she marched up the steps, slamming the bedroom door behind her.
I really wish my parents would have been here, because… it’s going to be so much harder having to do this all over again, but to them instead. But of course, this was the week they decided to go back home for a little bit, so they could get things figured out. No, you know what? I deserve to be yelled at by every human being on the planet. I royally suck…
One Week Later
(I feel like a song that fits Logan is Breakeven by The Script, except in reverse role (Male not female) Just felt like I should mention that. )
Logan’s Point of View
Pain, hurting, heart thudding against my core.
I could try to explain what I feel right now, but no word in history can describe this unbearable beating my self esteem has recieved. I’m so confused, hurt, unloved and broken. I just can’t even wrap my mind around the fact that Val could not love me. I’ve been with him since college; we’ve been inseparable. We were about to start a family and be even happier! I knew there was something off with Val, but I could never, even in my wildest dreams, picture something like this happening.
I feel like the weight of all of this is crushing my very being. I feel like I can barely breathe. I don’t care how much time passes, or how many ticks cross the face of the clock… nothing will ever make me feel better from this.
I haven’t left this room much since everything happened. I feel that if I see Val, I’m just going to throw up whatever bile is laying against the sides of my stomach. If it weren’t for this child, I would have probably stopped eating altogether. I force myself to take food, as if it’s some sort of cold medicine. Every bite I would take, would feel as though I was gnashing through nails.
I don’t want to be here anymore!
I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to plead with whatever force that is out there… to please… take this pain away. I just want to move forward and forget about the last nine years of my life.
I gripped the sheets, shouting, “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?”
Part of me just wanted to tear this room apart; to rip down every lie that laid upon these walls. WE made a child in this room, we talked about our lives in this room, we… did everything together. He was my best friend; the person that I could always go to. My parents live so far away and they’re constantly traveling. Even as a kid, I never really saw them that much. I literally feel like I have no one except for my unborn child. It’s… it’s just not fair!
Two Months Later
Time passed by in a very slow blur. I eventually started to come out of my room more and even faced Val and his… girl. I would never speak to him or to her, but I least surpassed the moment I thought I would never pass. And that was being able to look at him and not feel like I wanted to just throw up.
I still felt miserable and so very horrible, but now, more than anything, I felt pure hatred towards him. Every little part of our relationship… was built on a complete lie.
I watched him with that girl and wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face. He cooed over her, held her, touched her, kissed her forehead. When her stomach began to show, he would touch it and kiss it. I clearly remember the night when he actually told HER she was pregnant. She nearly had a nervous breakdown, trying with all of her might to rip it from her very core.
After the internal shock had passed her by, she was eventually okay with the idea… because Val was there for her, making it easier for her to handle.
He wouldn’t even THINK to come near me, or help me with anything. It’s not that he didn’t offer from time to time, it’s just, when it was offered, I would threaten to kick him in the balls again. I want nothing from that man! I am more than capable of handling everything myself.
“Vally?” Isa questioned, “Do you think my baby is going to like me?”
Val chuckled, “Of course! It’s going to be an amazing kid and love you to bits. I know you’re going to be a great-“
And at that moment Val realized I was in the kitchen. He tried to keep his relationship with Isa subtle, but he failed miserably at it.
“Logan.” he murmured. “I-“
“Save it! I don’t want to hear anything from you! I’m so effing done with this place; with you and with HER! I don’t care if she’s some special nut case you fell in love with! I’m SO tired of you flaunting her in front of my face all of the time. I’m literally RIGHT here, under this roof. I can HEAR everything!”
I started towards the living room. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t care! I’m leaving!
“LOGAN!” Val shouted towards me, “You can’t go out there! It’s the middle of the night and it’s freezing!”
“Like I give a crap! I just can’t DO THIS!” And with that said, I slammed the door and rushed out into the cold.
I didn’t know where I was going, but I did know that I couldn’t be there anymore. Honestly, I felt like if I was there another second, I was literally going to just explode. I felt like a prisoner in my own home and it was so hard to breathe. If I’m ever going to move past this, I NEED to get away from there.
The cold air brushed against my skin, it blistered my lips and struck my face like a bunch of needles. But, in all honesty, it was the best feeling I’ve felt in a while. The pain actually distracted me from my thoughts and I welcomed it whole heartily.
The wind began to pick up and the temperature began to drop. I had been walking so long, I didn’t even know where I was anymore. My entire being was so numb, I felt as though I couldn’t even lift my head to see in front of me. But… I still kept walking. I ignored the cold, ignored the fact that I was wearing nothing more than a t-shirt. I just… didn’t care enough. I just-
I was paying attention to my feet so much, I just didn’t realize what was in front of me anymore. So, with that being said, of course I was bound to run into something. Or well, in this case, someone.
“I’m s-so so-sorry.” I sputtered out, my mouth numb and stinging.
“Hey, it’s fine. No need to apologize. I was just out here because I had gotten a flat-“ He stopped in his tracks when our faces met.
“Logan?” He questioned, “Is… is that you?”
My eyes went wide as realization smacked me in the face. I hadn’t seen him in so long. It must have been years!
“Logan, what are you doing out here in the middle of the night?! You’re turning blue and you’re- you’re pregnant! Oh my God. You need to get inside and get warm!”
“N-no!” I tried to shout, my voice was dry and hoarse. “Just let me freeze out here. I just can’t take the pain I’m in anymore.”
“God, Logan. What happened to you?” He sighed, beginning to take his coat off for me. He reached to wrap it around me, when all of a sudden I felt really strange.
“LOGAN!” he screeched, “You’re bleeding!”
And with that, everything went black.
So, that’s the chapter! I know, I left it at such a terrible cliffhanger. But, at least a bunch of story progression happened this time around. I believe that Val got everything he deserved, if not, he deserved more. I feel horrible for Logan, but… this had to come out in some way, even if Val didn’t do it right.